Customer Service in Emergency Dispatch: Guiding the Caller for a Successful Call Assessment

“Stop asking all these questions and just send help!”

Sound familiar?  What well intentioned, hard working emergency calltaker hasn’t heard this at some point in their career?  And what well intentioned, hard working emergency calltaker hasn’t felt the annoyance or frustration in response to that statement.  Especially if we’ve already told them at the beginning of the call assessment we’ve started help.

It’s a fairly common response for callers feeling overwhelmed at having to answer what to them is an extraordinary amount of questioning, particularly to those who are having difficulties processing the event that has just unfolded before them.  What to us is the gathering of information, feels like an interrogation to our caller.

Caught up in the heat of a call assessment, it’s easy for us to get so wrapped up in what it is we need to do and the information we need to obtain that we forget to consider what might be going on for our caller psychologically.

Critical Incident Stress (CIS) is defined in the Preparing for Critical Incident Stress published by the National Defence (Canada) as:  “a normal reaction to an abnormal event” and “the unusually strong physical and emotional reactions experienced in the face of a CI (Critical Incident) which could interfere with one’s ability to function during or after the event”.

While CIS often tends to be a title reserved for workers, it’s realistic to expect some of our callers to experience CIS as well.  After all, when they phone us, isn’t it because they’ve been a witness or are somehow involved with the event they’re phoning about?

Some symptoms of CIS which are important to bear in mind are: confusion, poor concentration or memory, agitation, anxiety, panic, irritability, memory loss and anger.  Sound like some of our callers?  While we are not in a position to diagnose our callers as having CIS and while not every caller is necessarily experiencing a Critical Incident, it’s important to remember the possibility exists.  Even though we’re not in a position to provide debriefing to our callers, we can take extra care in how we guide them through the call assessment process to avoid causing them further emotional stress.  So, how do we guide them?

By being present with our callers and providing lots of reassurance as well as explaining throughout the call assessment what we’re doing and the reason for it.  By recognizing when to stop and provide additional reassurance and/or explanations based on the tone of their voice and the quality of their responses.  By using a calm and controlled voice throughout the entire call assessment even if theirs is not.  By making the call assessment more like a conversation than an interrogation.  By not judging our callers for the response they are having to the event and recognizing that even though we’ve assessed similar calls numerous times, this is likely the first time our caller has dialled 9-1-1.  By understanding it’s not about our callers and how they are acting, it’s about us and whether we choose to respond to the caller’s emotions and behaviour rather than react to them.  By recognizing what’s going on for us in that very moment both physiologically and emotionally so we can remind ourselves that we’re okay and we have the skills to make it through the call assessment.  When we do all this, we naturally take the caller through the process and in doing so help them through a situation where they no longer feel they have any control.

Guiding takes patience and in the midst of a call assessment where time is critical, this can be challenging for any calltaker.  Keep learning about different strategies for caller management and incorporating those strategies into our call assessments with every caller so we’re well prepared for the more challenging ones.

Reading, taking workshops or other courses offered to you and connecting with other industry professionals are great ways to learn different techniques.  It can also be helpful to think of a traumatic or very emotional event in our own lives and what we needed or in hindsight wished we had in order to get through it.

If you’re reading this post and you have some great techniques that work for you, share them with us by posting them in the comments section and if you have any questions or comments, email them to corinne@beggassociates.com.

A Journey to Heroism (Emergency Dispatch)

We have much to celebrate in our profession as emergency communicators and this is the week for us to give ourselves and our professional colleagues the recognition we deserve for our journey as a profession has not been an easy one.

Not so long ago, we simply answered phones and took some basic information for the responders.  Today we take critical information that prepare our responders for what they’re responding to, we save lives, we preserve crime scenes, we guide our crews and we are that reassuring voice of reason and calm over the other end of the phone for those in need.  We do all of this with little recognition or understanding of what it is we experience shift after shift.

But it’s better than it once was.

It used to be that the responders on the streets were hailed as the sole heroes in an emergency.  Today, every once in a while, we get some of that recognition.

It used to be that only the responders could suffer both emotionally and physically as a result of doing their jobs.  Today, every once in a while, we’re allowed to suffer as well.

It used to be that only the responders received the training required to respond to a variety of emergency situations.  Today, every once in awhile, it’s recognized that we need specialized training as well.

It used to be that only the responders were recognized as professionals.  Today, more and more often, we’re recognized for the professionals we’ve truly become – we even have a week that’s dedicated to celebrating just us – National Public Safety Telecommunicators’ Week.

Our journey to heroism hasn’t been an easy one and we still have a long bumpy road to travel but we’ve made huge progress.  So sing it loud and proud this week and celebrate!  Give your fellow professional colleagues in emergency telecommunications a well deserved pat on the back, handshake or hug for the heroes we truly are.

Social Media in Emergency Dispatch

It was bound to happen sooner or later.  Someone working in an emergency service sooner or later was going to post something to a social media site that wasn’t acceptable to neither the public nor the employer.  The latest story to hit the papers, at least locally, is about an RCMP officer.  Read the story here.

Being active on both Facebook and Twitter, I have seen many posts referring to call types or even callers – and many of them being quite sarcastic or negative in nature, particularly ones referring to callers.  Is it a wonder that many employers are starting to put the kibosh on social media sites in the work place or at the very least, creating policy or a code of conduct around posts related to work?

What concerns me about such posts is the lack of compassion, the unprofessionalism, and the poor judgement the writer shows and I often wonder what makes them remain in such a position if they have such a lack of respect for the people needing help.

I wonder if they realize that someone in the audience could be reading a post that refers to a situation they were involved in.  The annoying caller or the stinky patient could be a family member or even a friend.  The “ginger” someone’s son or daughter.

In this article, the constable refers to his job as stressful and he deals with it through humour and he’s not alone in this thought.  Many in our profession feel the same.  Using humour is a great way to release stress but the problem is this “humour” is often at our customers’ expense – callers, patients, victims, etc. and that’s not humour.  I don’t think this RCMP officer or anyone else using such humour would appreciate it if their co-workers used such “humour” about one of their friends or parents or children who needed help.  At least I hope not but let’s not go there.

So what’s acceptable to post about your job?  Well, anything that refers to call types, callers, patients, victims, etc. should be off limits regardless if privacy settings have been adjusted so only those befriended can read status updates.  And for good measure, I’d avoid making negative comments about the employer and your co-workers as well.  You just never know who’s going to read it and pass it along.

That’s my opinion, what’s yours?

Survival of the Fittest (Emergency Dispatch)

My idea of the perfect outdoor adventure is a long (several days) hike over tough terrain (I do love a good challenge) and through beautiful scenery.  Having to pack several pounds of gear and food for the trip as well as being separated from the amenities I’ve become so used to is part of the challenge that I enjoy.

Of course, being in good physical shape is part of what helps to make these outdoor excursions so enjoyable.  Having to carry all that weight on your back for several days, sometimes over difficult terrain, isn’t easy so the better the physical condition one is in, the easier and more enjoyable the hike is.

In addition to being in good physical condition, a good mindset is required.  A positive frame of mind and being able to accept unexpected circumstances is imperative to being able to enjoy a long and challenging hike.

With hiking, having things go exactly as planned is rare.  Some little thing is likely to be forgotten or lost or the weather will change or the map won’t exactly match the route.  Whatever it is, one has to be willing to adapt and roll with the punches, so to speak.

Finishing a trip like this is a feeling like none other, particularly if it’s been a challenging adventure.  Yearning for a hot shower and a decent meal that didn’t come from dehydrated ingredients are some of the more prominent ones but it’s the sense of accomplishment that rings truest for me.

Working in emergency dispatch is similar to what a challenging outdoor excursion is for me.  The better prepared you are, the more enjoyable it is.  It’s rewarding, it’s exciting and it’s challenging.

The better physical condition you’re in, the better your body is able to tolerate sitting for many hours at a time.  It’s not easy on your body to sit for long periods at a time.  Being in good physical shape is also imperative to being able to tolerate long term stress.  With the adrenaline bursts our body releases throughout a shift, our bodies are in need of good physical exercise (at least 30 minutes) to burn the excess off and if you make exercise an important part of your daily routine, the more likely you’ll make the time to do this.

Being in good physical shape also helps you to maintain a healthy mind.  The better the frame of mind you’re in, the better you’ll be able to handle the stressful situations thrown your way throughout a shift.  The better place you are emotionally, the better you’ll be able to help those calling for help.  You’ll more likely respond to them and their situation as opposed to reacting to them.

The only two things that you can count on in emergency dispatch are that calls will come in and the calls will have to get dispatched.  What type of calls they’ll be, how callers will react to the situation they’re phoning about, how significant the events will be and whether units will be available to respond is always the unknown.  The better prepared you are to adapt to the unlikely and the unexpected, the more effective you’ll be.

Emergency dispatch truly is survival of the fittest.  The more fit (physically & mentally) you are and stay throughout your career, the longer you’ll stay and the more you’ll enjoy it.  The more fit you are, the more likely you’ll be able to endure a long shift of high stress and very little physical movement.  The more fit you are, the better sense of accomplishment you’ll feel at the end of it.  The more fit you are, the more likely you’ll maintain a healthy life outside of work.

If you work in emergency dispatch, let me know what you think!  Do you agree?  Do you disagree?  Do you have any words of wisdom for those thinking about a career in emergency dispatch?

Thanks for reading and if you have any questions, please send them to corinne@dispatchcoach.com.

Emergency Dispatch Education & Development Survey

August.  The final month of summer.  The month where days begin to get shorter and the nights get cooler.  The month where parents and kids wonder what happened to July and begin to think of school – school supplies, school clothes and the school year calendar.

It’s also a time where emergency dispatch centers alike begin thinking of a fall training schedule.  After a two month hiatus and fresh ideas being thought of, many centers begin to swing into gear and coordinate classes for new hires and plan Continuing Dispatch Education (CDE) ideas for their current staff.

It’s been no different here at Dispatch Coach.  After a short break, we’re back at the drawing board.  With exciting long term goals to plan for including facilitating CDE boot camps, virtual classrooms as well as health and wellbeing seminars for shift workers, we’re also preparing to launch CDE topics in a variety of formats for dispatchers and quality improvement coordinators.

With reports showing that training followed by coaching has a greater impact than training without coaching, we’re designing unique CDE programs that include follow up coaching.

To help us better serve our emergency dispatch clients with these CDE programs, we’ve created a brief survey.  If you work in an emergency dispatch center, we hope you will take the time to complete our survey.  If you don’t work in an emergency dispatch center but know someone who does, we’d be grateful if you could forward this post or the link to them.  To complete the survey, please click here.

As for the remaining hot summer days, we hope that barbecues, warm water, sandy beaches and wonderful evenings spent on a patio with friends and family are in your plans.  There’s nothing like summer to rejuvenate a dispatcher’s soul.

Thank you for your continued support and if you have any questions or comments, please send them to corinne@dispatchcoach.com

Helping Us Help You – Providing Location Information to 911(Emergency Dispatch)

Prior to my dispatch days, I never really gave knowing my location a second thought.  Even though I’ve always had a great sense of direction and always had a pretty good sense of where I was, thankfully, I was never in a situation where I needed to explain to someone what my exact location was.

One of the first questions you will be asked when dialling 911 is the address or location you need the help to.  For you, the caller, this can be as simple as providing a house address or can be as complicated as explaining which mountain range you’re on and where exactly on that mountain range you are.  No matter which, the clearer you are on your exact location, the quicker the help will be able to get to you.

Furthermore, providing precise details of where the incident is occurring or where the person needing help is within the address or location is crucial.  It’s important to ensure that the responders are able to visualize exactly where they need to go prior to arriving at the scene so they can proceed quickly and efficiently to where it is they need to go.  All too often, precious time is wasted when the responders arrive at the scene and it’s unclear as to where exactly they need to go.

It’s important not to assume the 911 calltaker you are speaking with is in the same town as you are in or is even familiar with the area you’re in.  It’s even more important not to assume the responders are familiar with the area you need help.  It’s up to you, the caller, to be able to clearly articulate where it is the responders need to go.  Knowing the precise location and providing accurate directions as to where you are and where the responders need to go to can often make the difference between successful and unsuccessful outcomes.

I recall reading an article in the newspaper where a young man went off the road and waited over three hours for help.  It didn’t help that it was a cold snowy night on the prairies however, this caller had no idea where he was or how far he’d driven from the last town.  All the calltaker and responders had to go on was the location of the cell tower picking up his cell phone signal.

So, what can you do to get the help you are asking for as quickly as possible?  Being aware of where you are and being able to provide clear directions as to where the responders need to attend is a great start.  Below are some ideas as to the type of information you may be asked to provide.

What is the exact address or location and the name of the location where you want the help to respond to?  Is there an apartment number?   If so, what is the entry code at the main entrance of the building?  Is there a gate code to the complex?  If so, what is it?  If it’s a house, what entrance are we to use?  If it’s a basement suite we’re going to, do we access from the main entrance, the right or left side of the house or the rear of the house?

If you’re in a park or hiking, where was your starting point?  What direction were you travelling in and how long have you been travelling?  Are you familiar with the area you’re in?  If so, what is the best access point for the responders?  Are you near a well known landmark?  Do you have GPS coordinates?

If you’re in a boat, where did you depart?  What was your destination?  What route were you taking?  How many knots were travelling?  How far have you travelled?  How long have you been travelling?

If you’re in a shopping center, what store are you in or in front of?  What is the best entrance to the shopping center to get to where you are?  If you’re in the parkade, which level are you on?  Which street did you enter off of?  What entrance point are you located near?

If you’re on the street, what is the name of the street?  What’s the closest cross street?  What is the address you’re in front of?  If you’re in front of a store, what’s the name of that store?  If you’re in an alley, what street do we access the alley off of and what’s the closest cross street?  Are you behind a store?  If so, what’s the name of that store?

If you were driving, what road or highway are you on?  What was your direction of travel?  Are you near a well known landmark?  What’s the name of the cross street you’re at or passed by?  What’s your destination point?  What’s the name of the last town you travelled through and how long have you been travelling?  Did you pass by a mile-marker and if so, what was it?  If you’re on a freeway, what was the name of the last exit you passed by or the name of the exit you’re approaching?

As a society, we generally take for granted that emergencies don’t happen to us, they happen to others.  While typically the average person only calls 911 for help once in their lives, you’ll never know when the time will come that you need to call for help and it’s vital that you are able to describe your exact location and precisely where the responders need to go in order for them to get to you in the shortest amount of time possible.

For further information or if you have any questions, please email me at corinne@dispatchcoach.com.

Customer Service in Emergency Dispatch: The Act of Listening

As a Dispatch Quality Improvement Coordinator, I’m responsible for reviewing call assessments and providing feedback to dispatchers and calltakers.  There are two aspects to a call assessment that stand out for me.  One is the customer service provided during the call assessment and the second is missed opportunities to provide life saving or altering instructions.  Because this post is about customer service, I’ll be focusing on that aspect of a call review however, stay tuned for a future post titled Missed Opportunities where I cover how to avoid missing opportunities to provide help.

A key aspect in any customer service is listening to the customer.  In emergency dispatch, our customers are our callers.  By listening, I don’t mean just hearing the caller but actually listening to the caller – what they’re saying, whether they’ve provided an appropriate answer to the question asked, the tone of voice they’re using, their emotions, etc.

Listening to the caller isn’t just about hearing the answer to the question we’ve asked so that we can get the call posted and get off the phone, it’s about picking up clues and queues to aid us in providing the best service possible to our caller in order for us to get the information we need to be able to send the most appropriate help quickly and efficiently as well as provide help over the phone to the caller.

It’s very easy to fall into the trap of simply focusing on the mechanics of asking questions and getting to the end of the call assessment.  Unfortunately, when we fall into this trap, we miss vital information and golden opportunities to meet the needs of our callers.  The primary purpose of actively listening is so that we can learn about the caller’s situation and understand what we need to do to help the caller, the responders, our co-workers and any patients, victims or bystanders.

Many things can interfere with our ability to be able to listen purposefully.  When we are not skilled at responding appropriately to stress or to difficult situations, our “fight or flight” instincts kick in and we tend to react.  As professionals dealing with people in their time of need, it’s vital that we learn to recognize these triggers and understand that our reactions and judgements are about ourselves and not our callers.  Developing our interpersonal communication skills is an important part of professional development in this profession.

Focusing on the call at hand is an important part of taking the time to listen to the caller.  All too often in our busy and understaffed centers we tend to get caught up in the getting to the calls in the queue because they might be something more serious than what we’re dealing with.  It’s unfortunate that some agencies put such emphasis on call times.  More important than the quantity of  calls each calltaker or dispatcher processes is the quality of calls they process.

When we avoid rushing through calls, we are able to take the time to listen intently and with empathy to our callers, recognize what they need and meet those needs in order to get what we need.  That’s really what providing 100% customer service is all about!

Active listening is about being present with the caller.  Listen to the caller with empathy and understanding and responding to the needs of our callers will assist us in providing 100% customer service and obtaining the information we need through a quality call assessment.  Try it and see how much easier your call assessments become!

If you have any questions, please email me at corinne@dispatchcoach.com.

Emergency Dispatch – It’s Time for Regulations, an Objective Set of Standards & Quality Education

Occasionally, which is far too often in my opinion, we hear stories in the media of what went wrong in a call made to 911.  Calls being re-routed to the wrong communication center, responders being sent to the wrong address, dispatchers failing to recognize or respond to serious calls for help and the list goes on.  Sadly, many of these calls result in the person needing help dying and that’s not acceptable – especially if the error at the 911 level was in any way a contributing factor.  As first, first responders, we have a responsibility to meet society’s expectations and to exceed a high set of standards.

However, who sets those high standards that we must strive to exceed?  Most agencies have goals to achieve excellence and to meet or exceed their own set of high standards they’ve created but if it’s the agency or even a group of agencies together who set those standards, is it possible for them to set an objective set of standards?  More importantly, if they are being created by the agencies, how do they ensure consistency across all of the different agencies – police, fire and ambulance throughout all communities being served by public safety communication centers?  Is it reasonable for a community to expect the same level of service as any other community when calling 911 regardless if it’s police, ambulance or fire for the province of British Columbia or some small town in Quebec?

There’s also the question of consistency with the level and quality of education between emergency dispatchers in the profession.  Most agencies prefer to provide their own training, which of course is tailored exactly to meet their own needs and their own set of standards.  Most of their training programs simply cover the basics of how to process calls and dispatch help.

Though there are a few formal post secondary Public Safety Communications programs, I’ve yet to learn of an agency that requires a formal post secondary education in a Public Safety Communications program for their new hires.  In fact, I’ve actually heard of agencies intentionally encouraging enrolled students to drop out of such programs with promises that they’ll train them instead.

Most formal professions require a certain level of academic education and the benefits of having a formal education as an employee goes beyond working in the job itself.  If it’s a quality program they’ve taken, they’ll receive university credits that can be applied to other university programs should they decide to continue on with their education in the future or find a need to change careers.

I agree that there are quality training programs created and run by agencies and for certain things like teaching new employees local geography, policies, procedures, phone and computer systems, it’s a necessity.  However, in an emergency dispatch center, it makes sense to me to have employees who have learned at an academic level about psychology, anatomy & physiology, criminology, fire behaviour, communications writing, language skills, even leadership and all sorts of other fundamentals.

As an individual, imagine having a solid understanding of all of the above and not just the bare basics taught to us with the on the job training we get when we’re hired.  Imagine having formal credentials that would help us pursue other avenues and strengthen our knowledge and resumes if we ever wanted to advance or needed to change careers.

There’s a lot to be said about on the job experience and this post is in no way meant to devalue or discredit it.  No amount of education can possibly replace the experience and learning we get by actually doing the job but having and expecting a certain level of education is a great foundation and a great start to succession planning for both the agency and the individual.  It’s also a great start to meeting high education standards that go hand in hand with high service standards.

Emergency dispatch is beginning to be thought of as a profession in the true sense of the word and change is already happening.  There are already groups out there who are fighting to have regulations implemented and establishing standards for the various agencies to meet.  These are definitely interesting times and challenging for those who find change difficult and see no problem with the status quo however, having an independent body regulating emergency dispatch services is not about those who run the agencies or those of us who work in the agencies, it’s about putting the best interests of the people we serve first.

This post is my own opinion that others may or may not agree with and there’s no ill intent.  I’m looking forward to reading your comments on this topic.  I’m sure there are people who agree and I know there are those who disagree with what I’ve said and I’d be interested in hearing your opinions so leave your comments below.  If you are a member of the public and you do not work in emergency dispatch, I’d appreciate it if you would leave your comments about your thoughts on this topic as well.

For further information or if you have any questions, please email me at corinne@dispatchcoach.com.

Strategies for Managing Stress

While small amounts of stress for short intervals aren’t necessarily bad for you, significant amounts for longer durations can have negative impacts on your health, your relationships and the quality of your life.  How much stress one person can manage differs from person to person.   Stress is also very personal and what is stressful to one person may not be to another.  What is consistent with everyone is what can be done to help reduce stress and to help cope with it.  Incorporating the following suggestions won’t eliminate your stress however it will help your toleration and coping mechanisms.

1. Eat well balanced, nutritious meals that are proper sized servings.  Your body needs nutrients to support all of its systems however, this becomes even more important if you are under stress or subjected to stressful situations on a regular basis.  Reduce your sugar and bad fat intake as these only add to the stress your body is already under.  Make better food choices and avoid overeating.  Avoid the inner isles of the grocery store, select whole grains or even sprouted grains, avoid white flour, white sugar and educate yourself on what’s healthy, what’s not healthy and the effects a poor diet has on your body, including your brain.  It’s okay to indulge every once in awhile however once a week is significantly less taxing on your body than once a day.  The cost of health care is astronomical and is in large part due to causes within our control.  We are responsible for taking care of ourselves.  Stress + Poor Diet = Significant Health Problems (if not early departure from life).
2. Nothing helps combat stress like exercise.  Take breaks throughout the day, particularly at work.  Not only does your mind need it, so does your body.  If it’s reasonable weather, go outside and take a brisk walk around the block.  Get up a little earlier and start your day with a morning walk or perhaps take an evening walk.  Purchase a gym membership and take advantage of the free exercise plan most gyms help you establish.  The great thing about attending a gym is you are surrounding yourself with people who are also striving for better health.  Take up bike riding, kayaking, canoeing or any activity that helps you get active.  Hiking is an excellent form of exercise and allows you to see unique habitat and scenery.  Most communities have a variety of trails for you to explore and some even have books published about local hikes for the beginner hiker as well as the significantly advanced.  Can’t tear yourself away from the television?  While I think getting outdoors or at least away from the television is best, consider buying a treadmill or an exercise bike and walk, run or ride while you’re watching it.
3. Lead a full life outside of work.  Those who spend their lives going from home to work and back home again have more difficulty dealing with stress than those who are involved with other activities outside of the home and work.  Join a group, a club or even take some courses offered in your community to become more skilled in an area that interests you.  Consider hobbies you enjoyed as a kid or even those you may be interested in starting now.  Gardening, photography, woodwork and painting are just some of the many things to do. The most difficult part of doing anything is actually taking the action to do it so don’t contemplate the fact that you wouldn’t even know where to start, just do it.  You’ll do what most people do and that’s learning as you go.  Don’t have a particular hobby in mind or perhaps you’re limited on funds?  How about gathering a group of friends and take turns having dinner or having a game night on a regular basis?  Find a cause that you are passionate about and volunteer in your community.  Find anything that will give you something to look forward to and help take your mind off of work, your responsibilities and bring more joy into your life.
4. Learn to recognize what’s within your control and let go of the rest.  We all have enough of our own responsibilities and there’s no sense in taking on those that belong to others.  There’s also no sense in trying to force situations in an attempt to create the outcomes you want.  Learn what you ultimately have control over (YOUR actions, YOUR choices – not anyone else’s!) and learn what you can influence (through sharing of information).  You can’t force others to do what you want and you can’t force results.  Accepting this becomes important in eliminating the stress in your life.  If you are finding yourself stressed over a particular situation ask yourself “What can I do about this?  Is this something within my control?”  but bear in mind that you only have control over yourself.
5. Get enough sleep.  Seriously.  It’ll change your whole outlook on life.  You’ll cope better, you’ll think clearer and your mind and body will be much better prepared to deal with stress.  Difficulties getting to sleep?  Create a regular night time routine that includes a hot bath or shower as well as reading a book or a magazine and stick to it.  Avoid stimulating your mind and body right before bed and incorporate all of the above four points into your life.  If after a month or two of following each one of these points in this post you are still having difficulty sleeping, see your doctor.

Incorporating these lifestyle changes into your life is an important part of combating stress and the key to ensuring success with these changes is to ensure you surround yourself with a strong support system and with people who are living similar lifestyles.  Find a friend who is willing to join you, hire a personal coach or search for a group to join but remember it starts with you!

If you have any questions, please email me at corinne@dispatchcoach.com.

Confession of a Working Mom

In an effort to mix things up a bit and keep this blog from becoming monotonous, I’ve decided to make an occasional fun and light hearted post.  For the record, today’s post falls under the light hearted category though with some degree of truth.

Let me first just say, I’m not a bad mom.  I never use physical force to punish, I try really hard to speak to my kids as I would want to be spoken to and I don’t allow them to loiter around town.  I provide the basics of life, including a whole lot of love, I try and give them as many new experiences as I can and I’m a hockey mom, a soccer mom and a swimming mom.  It’s just that, I know if given the opportunity to be a stay at home mom without any type of work, I don’t think I’d take it.

Oh, I can hear the gasps already.  I know there are many moms who would leap at the chance to be at home all the time to raise their children but I’m not too sure I’m one of them.  I’m not against being at home as a full time mom, in fact I’m all for it.  Just maybe not for myself.

Here’s the real kicker.  My desire to not be an at home mom isn’t because I think it’s unimportant, it’s because it frightens the heck out of me!  I mean, seriously, you have to admit, it’s a lot of work!  And I have teenagers that I’m not exactly sure where it is they came from.  I know where they came from, I just don’t know what happened to the kids I raised.  Every once in a while I catch a glimpse of them but most of the time their behaviour is foreign to me.  Who are these strange yet beautiful creatures who spend hours on the phone and roll their eyes at me every time I offer them my opinion or provide a suggestion?

That’s the other thing!  For me, it wasn’t all that long ago that I was their age and I remember it like it was yesterday.  Yeah, I know, my parents were probably saying the same thing but still, it’s different with me.  I’m much cooler than my parents.  I dress better, I’m much more fun than they ever were and I’m actually willing to admit what teenagers are really up to and provide education around it in hopes that they’ll make informed decisions and not succumb to too much peer pressure.  See?  Way cooler.  But still, I get the eye rolls.  The “mommmm!” said to me in exasperation.

On one hand it’s exciting to watch them develop and grow into their own but on the other hand, life seemed so much simpler when I didn’t have to worry about the complex adolescent issues that I can’t bring myself to ignore.  There are times when I really enjoy spending time with them and then there are times when all I want to do is lock myself in a closet with a flashlight and a calendar so I can count the days until they graduate and I can give them a one way ticket to backpack around some country far away.

I guess I can’t say for sure if I’d actually turn such an offer down but I can honestly say I sure am glad I’m not in a position that I’d actually receive such an offer.  All I know is I can’t wait until the day comes where they actually want my opinion and want to spend time with me.  Until then, I’ll just keep being grateful I have to work and do the best I can to raise them into valuable contributing members of society.

If you’d like to share your thoughts, offer me any parenting tips or give me a good scolding for preferring to work in private, I’m all for it.  Send me an email to corinne@dispatchcoach.com.